I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
