wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
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