Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
