Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
