I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
