We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
