I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
