so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
