eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
A bitchslap is in order.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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