Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
