dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
