I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
