I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize