at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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