I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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