She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
one might say we're banned from that church
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
