Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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