So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
