I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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