How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize