The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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