i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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