Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
