I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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