Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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