i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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