Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize