Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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