I didn't shave. On purpose
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize