thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
