I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize