and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
