Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize