I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
