You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
