By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
