She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
