Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
