i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
