Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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