SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
