in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
