You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
