dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I think I am morally bankrupt
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
