____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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