How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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