either way he was missing a nipple.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
