Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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