What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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