im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
