addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
