I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
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