My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
