It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
