yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
