He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Dignity is for republicans.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
