dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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