One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
