I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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