i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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