There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
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