don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
my liver is dry heaving
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
