Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
