69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
