Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Oh god it's open bar.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
