ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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