is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
