It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize