DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
