Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
