I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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